The Host Review: Confessed (ch 23)

Does anyone else think the titles of the chapters are stupid?  I think they’re incredibly stupid.  I still don’t even know what the last one was referring to.  It was called ‘Cracked’ but she wasn’t cracked over the head, she didn’t crack anything, no one got her to divulge her secret she claims is so important.  She didn’t go insane.  What the hell cracked?  And this one is ‘Confessed’.  Another seemingly random past tense verb.  Does she tell her secret this time?  I guess that depends what you consider to be her secret…

The last chapter left off with a real cliffhanger, BUT it’s resolved in the first few lines of the start of this one.  No actual build of suspense, just ‘omg there’s someone here!  Oh it’s just Jamie.’  Because fuck tension.

ah fuck it

Anyway, called it.  I said it would be Jamie!  I don’t know what he’s here for yet, but so far I’m 1 for 2.  Considering my second guess was that he was going to make her talk about the alien planets again, I beg Meyer to let me be wrong this time…

We learn that Jamie is there because apparently Jeb snores.  Need more information than that?  So does Wanderer.  Jamie goes on to explain that the room they’re in is Jared and Jamie’s and Jamie was the one who told Jeb she could use it.  But now he wants to sleep in there because he can’t sleep in the room with Jeb because he’s too loud.  It takes multiple paragraphs for him to communicate this information.

Wanderer flips out because Jared will kill her and Jamie reminds her that he did point out that it is his room as well, so Jared can suck it.  He’s less colourful than I am, but just as annoyed.  But he quickly goes coward by saying they just won’t tell Jared about this.

There’s some obnoxious back and forth for another page about who sleeps where and with what pillows and dear LORD I DO NOT CARE.  So much not caring.

I don't care

Eventually Jamie implies he has a question and there’s ANOTHER several paragraphs going back and forth trying to get the question out of him.

He asks whether or not Melanie is still alive, and Wanderer keeps quiet.

I have to admit this particular scene is well written.  At least by the standards of this book.  I feel for the kid.  He chokes up and starts to cry, getting angry that she won’t answer his question, and unable to figure out why.  It’s realistic, it’s human, it’s genuine.  Something that happens much too rarely in this book, so I will savour it.

For all of half a second before that fucking bitch ruins the moment.

He was probably a tool. The old man could have sent him just for this; Jeb was smart enough to see how easily Jamie broke through my defenses.

amy-poehler-set-it-on-fire-o

Words cannot express how much this makes me want to punch that bitch in the face.  This kid LOST HIS FUCKING MOTHER.  Now he has been given the HOPE that she’s STILL ALIVE and you are HIDING IT FROM HIM!  AND YOU’RE CALLING HIM A TOOL!  You MISERABLE, self centered, egotistical, sociopathic fucking BITCH.

26683-Scorpio-Simpsons-gif-cdza

The dumbass prattles on for a bit about how deceitful and cruel humans are.  Add bigoted racist to my above list.

Melanie pleads with Wanderer to share the truth.  She cries out about his suffering.  Wanderer says her pleas are ineffectual (her word).  She could take over when it came to Jared, but this is the second time she’s been unable to with Jamie.  So either the suffering of her brother, her ward, isn’t as important to her as simply the sight of her boyfriend, or, the much more likely explanation, Meyer is a fucking inconsistent shit author who just makes up the rules as she goes along.  Wanderer is strong enough to stop Melanie when it suits the plot.  Fuck Wanderer and fuck Stephanie Meyer.

I hate this book.

I'm noticing a theme in today's gifs...

I’m noticing a theme in today’s gifs…

She finally comes clean by saying that Melanie promised to come back to him and he holds her tight and cries and there’s another actually genuinely human moment where he tells Melanie he loves her, and she lets him know that Melanie loves him to and is happy that he’s safe.

Jamie asks if it’s normal and Wanderer says that Melanie is special.  Jamie asks whether or not Wanderer thinks his dad is still alive as well, and Wanderer has to say that he probably isn’t.  Apparently their father brought Seekers looking for them.  This raises some questions.  Chief among them being that if their father brought Seekers to look for them, then why didn’t they know that Melanie had a little brother as soon as they knew her name?  Why didn’t they already know where she’d been from?  Do they not keep records regarding humans that they searched for and never located?

Whatever, the moment is still significantly less shitty than the part I just raged at so I choose to not nitpick it to death any more than I already have and move on.

Doc wakes up.  Apparently he’s eavesdropping.  This doesn’t affect the conversation at all, Wanderer just wants you to know that humans are evil and they’re all out to get her.  Because fuck emotional moments.  They’re not important!

She continues to explain that she isn’t there to hurt them because Melanie made her love them and Jamie admits, sadly, that Jared hates her.  She says everyone does.  Except everyone doesn’t.  Jamie doesn’t.  Jeb doesn’t.  Doc doesn’t, Ian doesn’t.  That’s more than half of everyone she’s met since getting there.  Sure as fuck isn’t everyone!  Oh but Jared is the only one that matters, so the fact that HE hates her, everyone else might as well.  Plus, you know, she just assumes that everyone is evil and out to get her so they MUST hate her.  Except she said earlier in the chapter that she didn’t think Jeb meant her any harm, so she apparently doesn’t believe he hates her.  So he doesn’t count.

“Yes. Everyone does.” I sighed. “I can’t blame them.”

“Jeb doesn’t. And I don’t.”

“You might, after you think about it more.”

I do!  Just wanted to say that.

“But you weren’t even here when they took over. You didn’t pick my dad or my mom or Melanie. You were in outer space then, right?”

“Yes, but I am what I am, Jamie. I did what souls do. I’ve had many hosts before Melanie, and nothing’s stopped me from… taking lives. Again and again. It’s how I live.”

802573

SHE ADMITTED SHE’S A MURDERER!  SHE SAID IT!  RIGHT THERE!  Remember that the next time you say your species is better than ours dumbass!

“Does Melanie hate you?”

I thought for a minute. “Not as much as she used to.”

No. I don’t hate you at all. Not anymore.

Why the fuck not?!  She’s been nothing but a bitch to you!

“How… how is she?”

“She’s happy to be here. She’s so happy to see you. She doesn’t even care that they’re going to kill us.”

Jamie stiffened under my arm. “They can’t! Not if Mel’s still alive!”

You’ve upset him, Melanie complained. You didn’t have to say that.

It won’t be any easier for him if he’s unprepared.

Anyone remember, a couple chapters back… oh I’ll just find it for you.  I’m feeling spiteful tonight.

He laughed as if my answer had delighted him. “No point in ignoring the truth. Doesn’t make it worse to have it said out loud.”

It didn’t make it better, either, but I didn’t say that.

That’s from chapter 20.  She didn’t appreciate Jeb telling her a harsh truth, but it’s a kindness to Jamie.  Because hypocrisy is cool.

hypocrisy

Anyway, Jamie says he won’t let them kill her.  That Jared will protect her despite that he’ll think she’s lying, just on the off chance that it’s true.  Wanderer acts like a detached prick inhumanely cold to his impassioned statements.  Eventually they get to sleep.

Jeb was leaning against the natural rock door frame, his arms folded across his chest.

“Morning,” he said. “Get enough sleep?”

I stretched, decided that I felt acceptably rested, and then nodded.

“Oh, don’t give me the silent treatment again,” he complained, scowling.

I am so glad someone finally calls her on her shit!  Just don’t ask any more questions about the aliens and I might actually find it in my heart to forgive you for the last chapter if you keep this up!

“Now,” Jeb said as soon as we were alone. “I think all this baby-sitting nonsense has gone on long enough. I’m a busy man. Everyone is busy here–too busy to sit around playin’ guard. So today you’re going to have to come along with me while I get my chores done.”

I felt my mouth pop open.

He stared at me, no smile.

“Don’t look so terrified,” he grumbled. “You’ll be fine.” He patted his gun. “My house is no place for babies.”

He does keep it up!  And it’s beautiful!  I forgive you uncle Jeb.

Love you man

She spends an absolutely massive paragraph describing in detail every human they pass that we will likely never see again.  They’re just more pointless things for her to describe in useless detail because she hasn’t done that in a whole chapter.

Then we passed Ian.

“Hey, Jeb,” he said cheerfully. “Whatcha up to?”

“Turning the soil in the east field,” Jeb grunted.

“Want some help?”

Ought to make yourself useful,” Jeb muttered.

Ian took this as an assent and fell into step behind me.

Assent?  Really?  Assent was the best word you could think of?  Not ‘yes’?  Really?

There is an entire page of everyone saying hi multiple times as they pass everyone.  I wish I was exaggerating that.  ‘Hi person!’ ‘Hey Jeb, hey Ian!’ ‘Hey next person!’ ‘Hey Jeb, hey Ian!’ It’s just that for a whole page.

stare

Jeb came back and handed me a shovel. I gripped the smooth, worn wooden handle, feeling its weight. After seeing the bloodlust in the humans’ eyes, it was hard not to think of it as a weapon.

Just reminding you that Wanderer keeps claiming she’s a peaceful alien with no concept of violence.  But using a shovel as a weapon occurred to her without anyone putting the idea in her head.  That didn’t come from the other people, that didn’t come from Melanie, it came from Wanderer.  Awful creative for someone who couldn’t even TOUCH the gun!

Oh okay

When they actually get to work Jeb is described with only one word; grunting.  That’s it.  Ian on the other hand, he has ‘fair skin’ and he removed his shirt, and he’s glistening.  Meyer has a thing for shiny men doesn’t she?  Is that a thing?  I didn’t know that was a thing.  Most women I talk to think sweaty guys are gross, and that’s what the ‘glisten’ is in this scene.  There’s no indication she thinks he’s attractive, I’m just saying that Meyer isn’t exactly the master of subtlety here so it’s a pretty safe bet.

The chapter ends with Wanderer assuming all the humans are going to kill her some more and being a bitch to Jeb some more.  Why change the formula that’s working so well so far?!

I feel like there was more worth talking about in this chapter but I’m not going to go back and read it a third time to look for what I missed.  Sorry folks!  This chapter simultaneously had some of the best moments and some of the most genuinely rage inducing.  My rants are never exaggerated, I really do get that angry and blustery over this crap, but it’s usually an anger that fades as soon as I move on.  The parts in this chapter that I hated I hated on a whole different level.  I cannot express adequately how badly written and poorly thought out this book is.  I cannot adequately express how much I know people who think like Wanderer DO actually exist and how TERRIBLE they are.

I decided I wanted another fire gif.  No, I don't care that it has nothing to do with anything.

I decided I wanted another fire gif. No, I don’t care that it has nothing to do with anything.

I’m not entirely certain why this chapter got to me so much worse than the previous ones did.  I hope this isn’t a trend…  I guess we’ll find out next time.  Till then, find out if The Llama is any less angry about this one than I am.

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