The Host Review: Undecided (Ch 27)

I really hate these chapter titles.  I don’t know why they bother me so much but they really do…

Apparently the fact that she went back to her cave bubble was supposed to be a cliff hanger.  Whoops.  But that also means this is yet another chapter that picks up 2 seconds after where the last one left off.  It also comes off as an act of self-flagellation for Wanderer and I was already sick of her selfish martyrdom.  So, yaaaaaay.

To save anyone from looking up what flagellation means as I just realized that’s not a terribly common word, it’s an act of self-punishment generally involving whips.  So best you don’t do a google image search on that one.  I think it’s appropriate though as she spent the end of the last chapter being emo and blaming herself for tearing apart their little community and thusly sent herself to the one place in the caves that it causes her physical pain to be in.  She’s punishing herself for her perceived misdeeds.  It’s unhealthy behaviour generally symptomatic of serious conditions such as extreme depression, body dysmorphia, suicidal tendencies, etc.

It seemed to me that while I lived and Jared was in the caves, this must be where I belonged.

OH WAIT, I’m sorry!  She’s not punishing herself for tearing the community apart, she’s doing this because Jared doesn’t love her!  I hope she rots in that little tunnel.

Rot in hell

She gets to the hole and it’s filled with the supplies the guys had trekked out for over a MONTH to get.  That we already knew were there because it was stated while she was in the cave bubble that that was where the supplies went.  But I’m still stuck on the ‘gone for 4-6 weeks’ thing.  Why the fuck did it take them that long to get a cramped hole’s worth of cereal?  She spends a whole page describing the ‘cardboard rectangles that made a lot of noise when I held them’.  It’s cereal you dumb ass.  We don’t give a shit.

Stymied, I explored with my hands, moving back out into the hall. I found I could go no deeper down the passageway; it was entirely filled with the mysterious cardboard squares.

Does she not remember why they left?  Because this is many, many paragraphs after the discovery of the first box and she’s still ‘stymied’.  Can’t put two and two together miss ‘I’m thousands of years old’?

A couple paragraphs later she finally catches on!

Once I realized that I was touching a bag of rice, I understood. I was in the right place after all. Hadn’t Jeb said they used this place for storage? And hadn’t Jared just returned from a long raid? Now everything the raiders had stolen in the weeks they’d been gone was dumped in this out-of-the-way place until it could be used.

Do you think I'm smart

Well this is one of the most boring chapters in a while… more than half way through it already and there is absolutely nothing worth talking about.  Wanderer and Melanie just sit there debating the same thing over and over again.  And I do mean that incredibly literally.  They talk about whether dying now or later is better for Jamie, then they talk about if they could leave, then they go back to whether dying now or later is better for Jamie, then they talk about why Wanderer still refuses to fight, then they talk about whether dying now or later is better for Jamie.  I wish I was exaggerating.  That goes on for pages.

“Wanda?” someone whispered quietly. “Wanda? Are you here? It’s me.” His voice broke, and I knew him.

“Jamie!” I rasped. “What are you doing? I told you I needed to be alone.”

Relief was plain in his voice, which he now raised from the whisper. “Everybody is looking for you. Well, you know, Trudy and Lily and Wes–that everybody.

SO WHY DIDN’T YOU STOP HER FROM LEAVING IF YOU WERE JUST GOING TO GO LOOKING FOR HER LESS THAN 10 MINUTES LATER YOU DUMBASSES?!

This is going to be a theme this chapter.

This is going to be a theme this chapter.

Why the hell didn’t they just stop her from leaving?!  Did they have to discuss it before they did?!  They thought it was important enough to find her but not important to stop her from potentially walking right into Jared or Kyle’s murderous arms?!  Everyone in this book has the IQ of a small child.

“You can’t sleep here.”

“I have before.”

I felt his head shake in my hand.

“I’ll go get mats and pillows, at least.”

“I don’t need more than one.”

“I’m not staying with Jared while he’s being such a jerk.”

There is no way in hell Jamie is 14. Why did Meyer make him a teenager when she wasn’t going to make him act like a goddamn teenager?  This is the way a 6 year old behaves.  Yes, a teen would decide not to share a room with someone they hate, but he might as well have called Jared a butt head for all the maturity present in that conversation.

After more of Jamie acting like an elementary school child, Jared shows up.  He yells at Jamie to get away from Wanderer, but he doesn’t.  Jared grabs Jamie by the shirt and yanks him away, Wanderer gets in between them to defend Jamie from a non-existent threat because Jared was not hurting him, at all.  Jared tosses Wanderer into the supplies (after she stops to think about the contour of his chest and the way he smells, because why not add creepy to her list of terrible personality traits?) and Jamie calls him a coward for attacking someone who isn’t going to hurt him.  And I’m so much more bored by this scene than is even the slightest bit reasonable.

Bored

Jamie punches Jared in the face for something Jared didn’t actually do.  What the hell is wrong with these characters?!  Jamie had gone to Wanderer’s aid, Jared grabbed him to get him away from Wanderer again, and because of the position they were in, moving Jamie caused stuff to fall on Wanderer.  Jamie told Jared to stop hurting her and then proceeded to break his nose.  What the goddamn hell.

And after Jared does not go back after Wanderer, does not at all retaliate physically or verbally, Jamie’s expression ‘shifts’ to one of deep betrayal (though how the fuck does Wanderer know that?  The only source of light is a small flash light that Jared is holding.  Is he flashing it right in Jamie’s face?  Because if so that’s kind of a dick move there dude).  I don’t understand what happened here.  Jared didn’t drop those boxes on her!  He didn’t even intentionally hurt her when he shoved her!  She shoved herself against his chest and he pushed her away!  That’s IT!  And Jamie actually tells him that he’s ‘not the man he thought he was’.  Over THAT.  This is what should have happened in the KITCHEN! Not here!  Not in this context.  In the kitchen Jared was literally stomping towards Wanderer to kill her!  Here he didn’t even come here looking for her he came looking for Jamie!

That reminds me.  Why is there only one gun in this entire compound?  Jamie said earlier that Jeb got ‘the’ gun.  Not ‘a’ gun.  No one else seems to have a gun.  That means they have no weapons when they go out on raids to get supplies…

Aaaand then Jamie walks away.  What?  He was there to protect Wanderer and he got so angry in her defense that he punched his father figure in the face and now he’s just going to walk away leaving her undefended from the person he was trying to protect her from?!  NO ONE IN THIS BOOK MAKES SENSE.

Because you're a dumbass

Jared leaves to chase after Jamie and shouts apologies as he goes and Wanderer gets emo again.  The chapter ends.  Melanie didn’t speak up once while Jamie and Jared were around.  Other than that I have surprisingly little to say about this chapter.  Which sucks for me because it’s the chapter I’ve had the most time to write about!  Oh well.  I’m sure the next one will get my blood boiling again.

This chapter isn’t short by the way.  Not by any means.  It’s barely shorter than the chapter before.  They just didn’t do ANYTHING.  They whined, and whined some more, and then characters were consistently inconsistent again, and then there was some more whining.  The dialogue was awful, the descriptions went on forever (I counted.  She spent 6 paragraphs describing the cereal boxes she couldn’t see) the whole chapter was just a bunch of pointless filler that I have nothing to say about that I haven’t said a hundred times already.

Chapter 27 and I still don’t know what story this book is trying to tell.  We’re half way through it and I can’t really call it a romance.  There’s not nearly enough actual science to call it science fiction.  It could be called fantasy drama, but that brings about images of knights and castles and would put it in a comparable drama to A Song of Ice and Fire and that’s just not right.  General drama implies intrigue and, you know, plot.  If she tosses in a sex scene I guess I could call it the most boring erotic fiction ever written.  It’s not a thriller because so far the most real threat has been stopped in the same chapter in which they appear.

This book is so muddled and aimless.  I don’t see its purpose.  I don’t see what they could do that would make this book worth reading past the next chapter or two since that should be about how long it takes Jared to stop wanting to kill her and beyond that we can do a time jump epilogue to how life in their stupid little cave system went on boringly ever after!  Oh but wait we still have to clear up Seeker right?  Meyer can do that by having them go out for supplies stumble on her and take her out.  But I know that won’t happen.  But how can that take 33 more chapters?!  HOW MANY MORE TIMES CAN WE LISTEN TO HER DESCRIBE THINGS?!

Even if there was an entire chapter dedicated to the plot events surrounding all the characters who have actually spoken at this point it still wouldn’t be 33 more chapters!

Why do people like this book?  I have read the reviews on good reads.  People don’t just like this book, they love this book.  They think it’s amazing.  And WELL WRITTEN.

I weep for humanity

Till next time.  Check out The Llama’s take on this chapter as well.

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