Q&A: Worth dying for

“What would you most readily die for?”

The answer to this question is anyone.  I know the question says what would you most READILY die for, but that’s still my answer.  I would die for anyone that needed me to.

I know that sounds stupid.  Mostly because it IS.  I’ve mentioned before that my dad is a retired cop.  He became one because he felt a drive to protect people.  He understood that he had advantages, and he believes with every fibre of his being that he should use those advantages to protect those who can’t protect themselves.  Since he is strong and in a position to do something to help them, he feels a moral obligation and a strong personal drive to do so.  I grew up with him as a role model, and I have spent my entire life compelled to help people who are in a less advantageous position than myself.  I do not, however, feel the same drive he does.  I do not feel morally obligated to do so.

When I help people I don’t know well, or don’t like (I often help people I don’t like.  I want to stab them in the face, but if they need me, I help them anyway.) I don’t do it because I feel like as an intelligent and strong person, I should help people less intelligent or weaker.  No, I do it because I would feel like a dick if I didn’t.  I don’t want to be an asshole.  I know for a fact that I would die to save the life of people I didn’t even know, not because it’s the right thing to do, or because I want to be a hero or anything like that, simply because I couldn’t live with myself if I didn’t.

If you’ve been following my posts about The Host, you may think that sounds familiar.  You’d be right.  And it’s not something I’m terribly proud of.  I come off as a nice person on the outside when my internal monologue is even more venomous than hers because depression and cruelty caused me to grow up with my dad’s morals ingrained in my head but a bitter cynicism about the world and the value of the people in it.  I want to be a good person.  I want to live up to my own image of what a good person is.  To the point where it happens before I even have a chance to consciously realize I just put myself between an aggressor and their target (this has happened a few times).  I do it instinctively, without fear, without hesitation.  But not without regret.  Not without bitterness.  I don’t necessarily think your life is worth more than mine.  I don’t necessarily think that I should sacrifice my life for yours.  I just do it.  It is just a thing that happens.

If the question was who would I WILLINGLY die for, without regret, I would say my niece and my god son, or anyone I perceive as ‘innocent’.  Whether or not I perceive you as innocent is dependent on the situation.  If you instigated it, no matter how much I care about you, and the fact that that won’t stop the aforementioned instinct to protect you, I will still die incredibly fucking pissed off at you.

Check out The Llama’s answer to this question, that was a lot less bitter than mine!


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