Yes, I know, I was supposed to have my summary of Twilight up today, but my computer crashed AGAIN yesterday and lost several chapters of progress, so I had to start all over. Thankfully, though, reading and writing about Twilight doesn’t make me feel like I’m putting myself through a special level of hell, so losing that progress didn’t make me want to gouge my eyes out…it just made me want to punch ‘autosave’ in the metaphorical balls.
I will say, though, that I’m going to make a slight adjustment to the plan. When I was writing the summary, I realized that trying to do the whole book in one post was probably a bit ridiculous; while most of the chapters are legitimately too dull to go chapter by chapter (even the longest I talked about any of the chapters I’d completed before I lost my work was less than half the length of my shortest reviews on The Host), there is still way too much for one post. So I’ll be breaking it up into 3 or 4 parts instead, and posting accordingly. The first post (barring another crash/save loss) should be up on Thursday. In the meantime, here’s a short:
The road had always stretched out in front of me for as far as I could see. All my life, I could see where I was going. I never liked it, but I knew where I was going. Occasionally there were choices to be made, but they were always easy; one way looked terrifying, the other looked clear and manageable, and I always chose the latter without even needing to think about it.
The road went on and on. I walked so far all alone, but occasionally someone would come along for a while…and then disappear again. I just kept going. I didn’t even know why most days; I just kept following the pavement. It had to be leading somewhere.
One day, I found myself making a turn I hadn’t even noticed was there. I went down the wrong way, and I panicked. I’d gone off the road! I was lost. I didn’t know where I was or where I was going. I couldn’t even see the road anymore! Where was I? What had I done?! Should I go back? Could I go back? Which way was back?!
I stumbled along, every tree looking bigger, older, and closer to the ones beside it. I was getting deeper and deeper into the forest, and more and more lost. Weren’t you supposed to stay still when you were lost in the woods? Someone would surely come find me…no, most likely no one would. I would probably just end up curling up into a ball and starving to death in a place where no one else was stupid enough to go.
I kept trudging forward, certain eventually I would stumble and be unable to get up. ‘Just keep walking’, I told myself. I had already been going for so long; surely I could keep going a little longer…though why I did, I had no idea. What was the point? What difference would it make if I died in one spot, or 50 feet away? No one would find me, and I would die, exhausted and alone, because I had made a wrong turn. It was almost dumb enough to make me laugh.
I felt sick. The forest was probably trying to kill me; it was probably full of germs, and the shit I was eating was probably poisonous. Perfect. I would die alone, exhausted, and retching. Just fucking perfect.
I kept walking anyway. Why did I keep walking? Why didn’t I just lie down? I knew I’d die; I didn’t care! I was tired! So tired…
I looked at the ground, trying to find a good place to lie, and noticed a dirt road beneath my feet. I looked behind me. Had it been there this whole time? I didn’t remember there being a road, I just remembered trees. Where had the road come from? I decided to keep walking. I stumbled a bit, but I kept walking.
The road ahead was paved. There were cars, and I could see people…not many, and a lot of them didn’t look very friendly, but maybe some of them could help me anyway. Maybe I could find somewhere to stop for a rest, or call a friend to come help me out…but did I even know where I was? Someone would surely tell me. There were people there! They could point me in the right direction! I would be okay.