Q&A: Devilish

When have you come closest to meeting the devil?

…I’m… not… sure what this is asking…

I mean, if we’re going by Christian mythology I am totally going straight to hell, so I guess I could tell you about one of the times I should have died…  Or is the question asking for the worst person I’ve ever met?  Maybe?

I don’t know.  I guess I’ll tell you about one of the times I’ve nearly died.  I’ve always had shitty teeth.  Even when I was little and drank more milk than my little stomach could handle, brushed two or three times a day, flossed, even had a ‘water pik’.  I still would have at least one cavity every single time I went to the dentist.  When my baby teeth fell out I could have sold them there was so much metal in them.  Two of my adult teeth never even grew in at all.  I developed a massive fear of the dentist, and when I moved out from my parents home, I didn’t have any money or insurance, so I used that as an excuse to just not go to the dentist.  Old fillings eventually started falling out and I still didn’t have the money to go, and my phobia made me still perfectly fine with using that as an excuse.  Until one day I was working the closing shift at my shitty retail job on a Saturday night.  I was fine most of the shift, but the last, half hour or so, I suddenly was in so much pain I could barely stand up.  And it was SUDDEN.  It was no pain, no pain, HIT IN THE FACE WITH A BRICK OVER AND OVER AGAIN.

I still finished up my shift because, of course I did.  I sucked it up and kept going.  I went home, I passed out on the couch.  And when I say passed out, I don’t mean I was just really tired and fell asleep, I mean I legitimately passed the fuck out.  When I eventually woke up to go throw up, I called in sick to work and tried to eat something cold to deal with the pain.  I smelled the food and got sick again.  I had a horrible fever.  I laid back down and went back to sleep.  I woke up a couple times throughout the day, and each time I woke back up my face had puffed up a little further.  My fever kept getting stronger.  And my nose kept getting more and more stuffed up.  Sunday evening (I will point out that this is a mere 24 hours after the first symptom) I went to my mom’s in the hopes that she would have something to deal with the stuffy nose part of the problem.  She obviously told me I needed to go to the doctor, but I didn’t want to, so I told her I wouldn’t go if she wasn’t willing to, because I knew she wanted to go to bed and it was already damn near 11 at night (my dad was at work) so I figured she’d cave and go to bed instead.  She nearly did (she doesn’t tell that part of the story) but my face looked like a balloon at that point, so she eventually went (Took a half an hour.  Again, she does not tell that part of the story.  Also made me drive.  It apparently didn’t occur to either of us that my fever probably made that a bad idea) and I got in to see the doctor and he basically told me I would have been dead by morning because the infection in my tooth, which in most people moves down into their heart or lungs and so gives a little more warning before killing you, was moving up into my brain, plus the swelling was threatening to close my throat and choke me to death in my sleep.

He tried to get me on IV antibiotics right then and there, but I didn’t want to stay in the hospital, so they put me on the strongest antibiotics available in pill form (the same strength you get if you get the plague and H1N1!) and told me like, 8 times that if I wasn’t improving by morning to get my ass back into the hospital.  But I’m still here so I’m pretty sure you can guess how it went.  And yes, I did get back to the dentist.

So moral of the story is go to the dentist I guess… And don’t be a stubborn moron like me.

Check out The Llama’s answer, and put your own in the comments.  Or tell me if you have a different interpretation of what the question even means.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s