Twilight Chapters 6 and 7

This was done being written on time, but I haven’t found any spare time to actually post the damn thing.  This is what happens when you count on getting a break at work to piss around on the internet because it’s been soooo slooooow lately, I’m sure I’ll have lots of time!  Which is always the time the universe decides to spite you.  Anyway, enjoy.

Chapter 6: Scary Stories

This one is thankfully shorter than chapter 5 and if we’re lucky it will be just as overloaded with dialogue. The more dialogue the less inner monologue!

The chapter starts with Bella complaining. I’m sure you’re shocked. At lunch the day after the blood incident, Jessica is asking her about what happened with Edward at lunch that day and Bella complains that she’s probably just fishing for gossip. Maybe if she had actually established at any point that Jessica was known for spreading gossip I might actually buy that.

She whines that despite knowing Edward wasn’t going to be there, she still kept hoping he would show up. That’s just kind of sad. The nicest thing she has to say is that maybe their trip to the beach won’t be completely miserable.

greatest-office-gifs-ice-cream

Some girl named Lauren gets snippy when they’re leaving the cafeteria and she thinks Bella can’t hear her, saying she thinks Bella should just sit with the Cullen’s instead of them. Bella takes this to be malicious in not wanting her around at all, but I have an alternative theory. Perhaps because the Cullen’s are so insular, other people have tried to befriend them and been pushed away, but now Bella seems to have been welcomed so they assume she’ll eventually just leave them and become just as insular. Perhaps it’s less ‘I don’t like her sitting with us’ and more ‘they think they’re too good for us, soon she will too.’ Mike defends her, but she bitches that it came off ‘territorial’ instead of just being happy someone defended her.

There’s a pointless conversation with Charlie that evening about where Edward said he was going camping and it apparently being bear infested. In the morning the sun wakes her up and she acts like it’ll disappear if she stops staring at it.

Apparently all the teenagers in this small town have their own cars. I have a really hard time buying that. Most small towns (and from what I can tell this one is no exception) aren’t exactly known for having tons of money flowing in. How they could all afford to buy their kids cars, even if they’re cheap used ones, is beyond me. In my bigger town where Llama and I went to high school, most people I knew occasionally had access to a car, but barely anyone had their own vehicle they could use every day to get back and forth from school. I had access to my dad’s truck once I got my licence, and I was pretty much the only one in the house that used the damn thing other than the weekends when my dad would take the dog and go to the woods or lake, but I still only got to use it to get back and forth from school on rare occasions. Llama apparently had access to a car every day, but still. It wasn’t exactly common. Is this different in the US or is Meyer just bad at knowing what kids have access to? Or are all of Bella’s ‘friends’ just the richest people in town? I’m going to go with that since they all seem to be the kids of people who own a store or something rather than people who just happen to work there. It would be awful for Bella to have poor friends. God for fucking bid.

God forbid

This actually raises a new question; how is Bella paying for this truck? She says she had limited funds when she got their and she doesn’t have a job, so how can she keep putting gas in the damn thing?! Where is this money coming from?! If her mom and/or dad are giving her money on a regular basis for it then FUCK YOU SO HARD FOR BEING A BITCH TO YOUR PARENTS YOU ENTITLED LITTLE BRAT! If not, is she selling drugs on the side? Stealing? WHERE IS THIS MONEY COMING FROM?!

Apparently one of the girls is mad at Bella because Bella tripped over her in gym and Bella feels like this is going to be an awful day because she’s going to get bitched about all day. But you know, I’d probably not want to be around the girl that can’t stand up straight without tripping people too. So, you know, there’s only so much sympathy I’ve got for her getting dirty looks all day.

“We’re just waiting for Lee and Samantha… unless you invited someone,” Mike added.

“Nope,” I lied lightly

This is the first outright lie of the chapter. Two pages in. The first technical lie was a lie of omission where she says she’s not going to tell her dad that Edward is taking her to Seattle, but I let that one slide. This one though? No, she admits it’s a lie. And I’m going to keep calling her out on her lies because every chapter she points out how much she doesn’t like lying.

youve-never-seen-a-hypocrite-before

“Will you ride in my car? It’s that or Lee’s mom’s minivan.”

“Sure.”

He smiled blissfully. It was so easy to make Mike happy.

“You can have shotgun,” he promised. I hid my chagrin. It wasn’t as simple to make Mike and Jessica happy at the same time. I could see Jessica glowering at us now

Can’t imagine why. It’s not like she confided in you that she liked Mike and you assured her that she could have him and now you’re responding positively to his affection right in front of her face after having let him believe he still had a chance with you. Oh wait.

Maybe if Bella actually tried to be a decent friend to some of these people that Lauren girl and the one from gym class wouldn’t hate her. But that would require Bella actually being nice to someone.

She spends a few paragraphs talking about how pretty the drive is, which is boring, but at least it’s positive, so I’ll let the needless filler slide. When they get to the beach they build a driftwood bonfire that glows blue. Mike tells her it’s the salt that turns it blue. He’s not wrong, but he sure as hell isn’t right either. Metal salts turn fire blue. Common compounds that cause this are copper, lead and arsenic. Not sea salt. Breathe in the fumes Bella. Breathe deep.

take-a-deep-breath-sherlock-calm-down1

She talks about how when she would go to Forks for the summers before she demanded her dad take her on vacation instead, she used to love coming to this place. She loved the way it looked, she loved having fun with her dad, and she loved the tidal pools the guys are talking about going to see. This re-raises the question of what the fuck was so bad about this place that she decided she never wanted to come back? But whatever. She’s trying to decide whether or not she wants to join them on the hike to the tidal pools or stick by the fire. She’s worried she’s going to trip into the tidal pools so doesn’t want to go, but Lauren decides to stay so she goes anyway.

There’s a whole page talking about the hike and the tidal pools, but absolutely nothing happens. Nothing. No one talks, no one trips, no one does anything except look at the pretty stuff in the water. It sounds pleasant, but entirely unnecessary.

When they get back to the beach the group that stayed behind grew to include some kids from the reservation. Including Jacob, the werewolf. If that’s a spoiler, what are you doing reading these reviews? And another girl named Jessica, as well as 5 other people who Bella never bothered to remember the names of because god forbid we expect her to pay attention to anyone other than herself.

It was relaxing to sit with Angela; she was a restful kind of person to be around

shock and awe

OH MY GOD SHE SAID SOMETHING NICE ABOUT SOMEONE OTHER THAN EDWARD!

It was relaxing to sit with Angela; she was a restful kind of person to be around — she didn’t feel the need to fill every silence with chatter.

ryan-annoyed-o

…Apparently I should read the whole thing before reacting. ‘I liked Angela; she never talked to me.’ Is not a compliment. It’s saying ‘she’s the best because she’s the easiest to ignore’.

Anyway, after everyone else wanders off, Jacob comes over and sits by Bella. She describes him similarly to Edward. And I don’t mean he looks like Edward, he actually is the opposite of him in every way, I mean she uses the same kind of wording. Basically she finds him to be really pretty and wants you to as well. But then it turns out she has to hate him.

“You’re Isabella Swan, aren’t you?”

It was like the first day of school all over again.

“Bella,” I sighed.

How dare he not be psychic! Anyway, he’s the youngest child of the guy Charlie bought her truck from. He has two older sisters who Charlie and Billy used to set up on play dates while they went fishing.

Of course, I’d kicked up enough tantrums to end the fishing trips by the time I was eleven.

I hate you Bella. So much. Just, so very, very much.

Edward hates you too

Edward hates you too

 

I am thankful to learn that neither of the sisters are there anymore, both having left the area. That means fewer characters for Bella to hate on.

They talk for a while about the truck and it’s boring but dialogue takes space away from Bella’s hateful thoughts, so I like it. Jacob apparently is making it obvious he likes her (of course he likes her. Everyone likes her. Why? She’s horrible! She’s not described as being really attractive and she sure as fuck isn’t nice or interesting, so why does everyone like her?! I DON’T GET IT!) and that makes Lauren unhappy. Supposedly.

“You know Bella, Jacob?” Lauren asked — in what I imagined was an insolent tone — from across the fire.

So she doesn’t actually know it’s an insolent tone, she’s just assuming. Bella goes on to describe her as having ‘fishy’ eyes. I don’t know if she means ‘fishy’ as in suspicious, or if she thinks Lauren looks like a fish. I legitimately can’t tell, the way she puts it.

Lauren asks if Bella knows if the Cullen’s were invited, but before she can answer the guy she didn’t bother catching the name of earlier says that the Cullen’s don’t come to their area. Tyler then distracts Lauren with a CD because apparently she’s a magpie.

I was still turning over the brief comment on the Cullens, and I had a sudden inspiration. It was a stupid plan, but I didn’t have any better ideas. I hoped that young Jacob was as yet inexperienced around girls, so that he wouldn’t see through my sure-to be-pitiful attempts at flirting.

lowest creature

You. Fucking. Bitch. At least with Mike she kind of seemed to be trying not to hurt him, or at least using that as her excuse to avoid coming clean about her lack of feelings for him. She is outright saying she is going to intentionally string Jacob along to get information about Edward, the guy she actually wants. THIS IS VERY HORRIBLE AND IF YOU DO THIS YOU ARE A TERRIBLE FUCKING PERSON! Men have feelings too you know! In fact many studies have shown that men have a harder time recovering after rejection/break ups than women because we’re shitty about talking to each other about emotions so they kind of stick in there and eat away at us. So this isn’t some victimless crime here. This is her playing with the emotions of someone who will be hurt by it. And since he has done ABSOLUTELY nothing to her AT ALL, this is just exceptionally cruel.

“So you’re, what, sixteen?” I asked, trying not to look like an idiot as I fluttered my eyelids the way I’d seen girls do on TV.

“I just turned fifteen,” he confessed, flattered.

“Really?” My face was full of false surprise. “I would have thought you were older.”

This is the point in this book where my levels of rage are so strong that if I weren’t doing this blog I would print off the PDF copy of this book and light it on fire on my deck.

“Do you come up to Forks much?” I asked archly, as if I was hoping for a yes. I sounded idiotic to myself. I was afraid he would turn on me with disgust and accuse me of my fraud, but he still seemed flattered.

Did you catch that? It’s subtle. She just called him an idiot. When Twilight had its turn being popular my roommate’s girlfriend was all over this fucking series. She loved the books and dragged him to all the movies, and made him read the books. He told me once that they weren’t actually that bad. He was clearly confused. But I bring that up to point out that I couldn’t even escape this crap in my own apartment, so I am painfully aware that there is a ‘team Jacob’, and that that means that people actually want Bella to end up with him at the end of the series. My question is why? So far he has been very nice to her, and she is being the biggest bitch in the entire town. Set him up with Jessica or Angela! Or your own little self-insert character! Why would you want a character you like to end up with someone so horrible?!

i-m-so-confused-o

She flirts with him some more till Jacob admits that the Cullen’s aren’t allowed on the reserve. He says he’s not allowed to tell her why, but then one smile from her and he spills the beans. Dumbass. And yes I do know I just gave Bella shit for calling him stupid, but that was before he was actually acting stupid.

Jacob tells her that the natives on the reserve are werewolves (to which she doesn’t have any reaction at all) and that the Cullen’s are ‘the cold ones’ who are banned from the reserve by his great grandfather. They are the enemies of werewolves and normally would be killed by them, but because the Cullen’s were different and didn’t hunt humans, they were left alive as long as they stayed off the reserve. He outs them as vampires.

Part of the peace pact between the reserve and the Cullen’s was not revealing their nature to the ‘pale faces’. So by telling Bella, he’s risking starting a war between them and ending a generations old truce. Because a girl flirted with him. Awesome. He still doesn’t deserve to get dicked around, but wow. That’s a special level of dumb right there.

“I guess I just violated the treaty,” he laughed.

“I’ll take it to the grave,” I promised, and then I shivered.

Liar.

Mike shows up and Jacob asks if he’s her boyfriend.

“No, definitely not,” I whispered. I was tremendously grateful to Jacob, and eager to make him as happy as possible. I winked at him, carefully turning away from Mike to do so. He smiled, elated by my inept flirting.

Note how she made a point to turn away from Mike to wink and whispers her response, so she can keep leading Mike on too. I’m starting to doubt she’s not telling them she doesn’t like them on purpose instead of just out of wanting to avoid uncomfortable situations. Mike does still defend her in gym class and to Lauren, so maybe she wants him to keep liking her so he’ll keep defending her. Note also that she’s going out of her way to keep Jacob on the hook too.

Hagan-i-dont-like-you

“So when I get my license…” he began.

“You should come see me in Forks. We could hang out sometime.” I felt guilty as I said this, knowing that I’d used him. But I really did like Jacob. He was someone I could easily be friends with.

Except you know that’s not what he wants. You counted on that fact. You abused that fact. But you’re going to make it okay to yourself because you want to be friends with him, so it’s not a complete lie?! FUCK YOU!

This whole chapter she’s been making a point of saying how young or old people look. She’s 17, the oldest kid is 19, and Jacob is 15. I don’t recall there being a huge difference in people’s appearances around these ages. How the hell does she know people are ‘too old to be in high school’ when they’re only a year older than the average grad?

She promises to go with Charlie next time he goes to see Billy, and then they go home. End of chapter. Thank fuck.

Chapter 7: Nightmare

The titular nightmare is Bella in the woods being called to by Jacob and Mike, and then Edward shows up and she goes to him, Jacob turns into a wolf and tries to kill Edward. This couldn’t be less obvious if she was beating someone over the head with a Vampire The Masquerade book.

This chapter is so very boring… She goes on the internet and looks up vampire myths. She clings to the one myth she finds that mentions good vampires. And of course that’s what they’re going to turn out to be. I’m now on page 7 of this chapter. There is simply nothing worth talking about. It’s just bitching about the internet being slow, bitching that Forks is making her a crazy person, bitching about Charlie, bitching that the myths don’t fit Edward…

She goes for a walk in the woods and decides she’s not crazy, that vampires are real, and Edward is one. That’s another 3 pages of descriptions of trees and Bella bitching.

Bored Now

She decides that she can’t leave Edward alone like he suggested because the thought of doing so leaves her ‘in agony’. Seriously. They’ve had all of three conversations that weren’t a fight, and not being with him makes her ‘in agony’ and ‘despair’. This is not healthy. At all. Not even a little. I know teen romances are stupid, but wow. She decided that he is a blood sucking monster, and he’s warned her that he’s dangerous to her, and she barely knows him AT ALL, but she CANNOT be away from him. No. Just no.

And I knew in that I had my answer. I didn’t know if there ever was a choice, really. I was already in too deep.

Let me say this again; THREE conversations that weren’t a fight. Three.  And all three of those conversations did contain small fights, so they aren’t even three genuinely friendly conversations.

She goes back home, does her homework and goes to bed. The next morning she talks about how it’s sunny out, and then goes on about how when Charlie smiles she can almost see why her mom married him. I find this incredibly condescending. She says that most of the man her mother was attracted to has faded away, but that she sees glimpses of why they fell in love and married ‘too quickly’. It sounds like she’s putting all the blame on Charlie. But we still have no idea why she left except that Bella said that her mom hated Forks as much as she does. And you know, maybe she wouldn’t hate Forks so fucking much if her mom hadn’t made it sound like the fact that he wouldn’t leave there is the reason she grew up without a present father! Maybe she wouldn’t think the rain was the worst thing ever if her mother hadn’t been trying so hard to get away from it that she went to a fucking DESERT and passed on that hate to her daughter!

I know it takes two to make a relationship work so I am not trying to say that Renee was a bitch for leaving him because fucked if I know what actually happened at this point. I’m just saying it seems really unfair from where I’m standing for her to constantly hate on her father when all the info we have so far implies that Renee left him because of Forks not because of anything he did.

By dint of much elbow grease, I was able to get both windows in the truck almost completely rolled down.

…Dint? Dint… That says dint. What the fuck is dint?

dint  (dnt)

n.

  1. Force or effort; power: succeeded by dint of hard work.
  2. A dent.

tr.v. dint·ed, dint·ing, dints

  1. To put a dent in.

  2. To impress or drive in forcibly

‘By force/effort of much elbow grease’ …nope, still doesn’t sound right… Why would she use that word? Why not just say, ‘with some elbow grease’? Word of the Day calendar?

Anyway, now that I’ve had that weird little moment, she gets to school early and goes over her homework. She comments that it’s already done because she has a ‘slow social life’. Because apparently the only kids that actually do their homework on time are the losers. Fuck you too Bella. Fuck you too.

fuck you too

Mike shows up, they talk about her homework, she says that she did her English essay on misogyny in Shakespeare. Considering the first half of this chapter had her choosing a man she barely knows over her own physical and mental well-being because he’s pretty, I find that kind of insulting. Like Meyer actually gives a shit about feminism.

“I was going to ask if you wanted to go out.”

“Oh.” I was taken off guard. Why couldn’t I ever have a pleasant conversation with Mike anymore without it getting awkward?

Because you keep going out of your way to make him think he still has a chance with you! You hid your comment about him not being your boyfriend from him. You told him the only reason you weren’t asking him to the dance was because you were going to Seattle, not because you weren’t interested. You told him to go with Jessica just so he could still enjoy the dance, not because she liked him and you thought they would make a cute couple (that’s what she said to him; that he should still enjoy the dance, so he should just take Jessica up on her request and have fun) you sat next to him on the ride to the beach instead of suggesting Jessica sit there. You went with him on the hike at the beach which he didn’t know was just because you were avoiding Lauren. If you want him to stop asking you out, tell him to stop asking you out instead of constantly telling him he still has a fucking chance you stupid twit!

plague

“Mike…” I hated being put on the spot. “I don’t think that would be the best idea.”

His face fell. “Why?” he asked, his eyes guarded. My thoughts flickered to Edward, wondering if that’s where his thoughts were as well.

“I think… and if you ever repeat what I’m saying right now I will cheerfully beat you to death,” I threatened, “but I think that would hurt Jessica’s feelings.”

She managed to put so many of my problems with her in one short bit.  Fantastic

She managed to put so many of my problems with her in one short bit. Fantastic

 

Remember that time she said she wasn’t a violent person? I do. Also remember that time I called her a twit for constantly telling him he still has a chance? That feels so long ago… But yeah, that’s what she’s doing here. Again. ‘I’m not turning you down because I don’t like you, I’m turning you down because the girl I keep pretending is my friend likes you and I don’t want to hurt her feelings! But remember, I do like you, she’s the one getting in the way!’

He’s shocked, she gets pissy at him for not knowing Jess likes him (which is admittedly kind of dense of him) and then while he’s still confused she literally runs away without explaining anything further. So she leads him on, then she gets mad at him. Yeah, this is really the character I want to keep reading about. If you want to read a book about an overdramatic twit obsessed with prettiness and terrified of aging (that comes up later in the series) read The Picture of Dorian Grey. So very, very much better. And you’re supposed to think he’s an entitled jackass.

When I saw Jessica in Trig, she was bubbling with enthusiasm. She, Angela, and Lauren were going to Port Angeles tonight to go dress shopping for the dance, and she wanted me to come, too, even though I didn’t need one.

See what I’ve been saying about Jessica? Bella has been nothing but mean to her, she even did that whole thing I bitched about in the last chapter with responding to Mike’s flirtations in front of Jessica’s face, and she’s still trying to involve her. She genuinely wants Bella around, and her opinion on things even after Bella has been so mean to her. Jessica just seems to be a really naïve, nice young girl, and Bella is constantly ignoring her or bitching about her. Jess would be well within her rights to not want Bella there at all. Or to stop talking to her, period.

I was far too lost in my own frenzy of anticipation to notice much of what she said. I was painfully eager to see not just him but all the Cullens — to compare them with the new suspicions that plagued my mind.

Hold off your judgement. This isn’t the bad part yet.

As was my routine, I glanced first toward the Cullens ‘ table. A shiver of panic trembled in my stomach as I realized it was empty. With dwindling hope, my eyes scoured the rest of the cafeteria, hoping to find him alone, waiting for me. The place was nearly filled — Spanish had made us late — but there was no sign of Edward or any of his family. Desolation hit me with crippling strength.

I shambled along behind Jessica, not bothering to pretend to listen anymore.

there it is

Congratulations Bella; you topped my rage meter beyond what you did to Jacob!

Seriously. SERIOUSLY. I can’t even WORDS. She’s SO UPSET that Edward isn’t there she’s stopped even PRETENDING to listen. She wasn’t even listening in the first place, and now she’s so heartbroken that they took an extra day for their camping trip (well, they stayed home because it was sunny, but she doesn’t know that) that she can’t even PRETEND to listen to someone she CLAIMS is a friend who JUST A FEW MINUTES BEFORE went out of her way to make Bella feel included and wanted. You can’t even show her the basic fucking decency of paying attention to what she’s saying because you’re so obsessed with listening to your own thoughts, and then SO SAD that he’s not there, that you can’t even PRETEND you like her more than you like the sound of your own thoughts! Dorian Grey was NICER than you, and he dumped a woman who he was engaged to marry because she sucked at acting! AND murdered someone!   At least when his friend talked he actually fucking paid attention! Or at least had the decency of TELLING the poor guy he was boring him.

THAT’S RIGHT! I JUST SAID A MURDERER IS NICER THAN BELLA. And I fucking stand by it!

The rest of the day passed slowly, dismally. In Gym, we had a lecture on the rules of badminton, the next torture they had lined up for me. But at least it meant I got to sit and listen instead of stumbling around on the court. The best part was the coach didn’t finish, so I got another day off tomorrow. Never mind that the day after they would arm me with a racket before unleashing me on the rest of the class.

In what universe does it take two days to learn the rules of Badminton? It’s a pretty simple game… It’s also really hard to hurt anyone since the birdie barely weighs anything at all.

intorduction_badmintonfffff

I was glad to leave campus, so I would be free to pout and mope before I went out tonight with Jessica and company.

First: campus, like ‘dint’ above, is technically correct here. But no one uses it to colloquially refer to a high school. No one.

Second: you need to be free to pout and mope? Pretty sure you’ve been doing that since you noticed he wasn’t there.

Apparently though Mike asked Jessica out on a date so they’re putting off the dress shopping till the next day. Bella says she tries to be happy that he asked her out, but she specifies that it’s that she’s happy Mike is finally catching on that she doesn’t want to date him. Not that she’s happy Jessica got a date with the guy she liked.  What Bella thinks is that it’s awesome having someone around to toss off your unwanted scraps to. FUCK. YOU. And she specifies also that as much as she wishes she could be happy, she can’t be, because it meant that Jessica was rescheduling the plans she had only agreed to to distract her from the lack of Edward. I cannot think of a strong enough epithet to shout at this book.

So I'll use them all

So I’ll use them all

She wants to be happy that using her friend is finally paying off, but it means her other way she was currently using her ‘friend’ got pushed off, so she is upset that her two abuses of this poor girl conflicted.

She goes online and checks her email. She has apparently been ignoring her emails from her mother for days again. Pretty sure it was only two chapters ago she tried to garner sympathy from Edward by saying her mother was her best friend. That’s what you do to your best friend right? Ignore them? And then get mad that they aren’t more patient with you because their annoyance that you can’t even be bothered to check your email once in several days (when she was online for a few hours the day before researching vampires) is an inconvenience to you? That’s totally friendship and love and respect! Yeah! Bella was the responsible one and her mom was the useless scatterbrained one right? Totally.

Outside in Charlie’s small, square yard, I folded the quilt in half and laid it out of the reach of the trees’ shadows on the thick lawn that would always be slightly wet, no matter how long the sun shone.

That is just not how anything at all works.

doesn't work that way

She lays in the sun, sulks that Jane Austin used names that start with ‘Ed’ too often, and sunbathes until Charlie comes home. Edward is creepily stalking her, but she doesn’t know that (it’s just obvious to anyone with a brain) she just knows that she feels like she’s not alone, and goes inside to see Charlie.

“Dad,” I said during a commercial, “Jessica and Angela are going to look at dresses for the dance tomorrow night in Port Angeles, and they wanted me to help them choose… do you mind if I go with them?”

“Jessica Stanley?” he asked.

“And Angela Weber.” I sighed as I gave him the details.

He was confused. “But you’re not going to the dance, right?”

“No, Dad, but I’m helping them find dresses — you know, giving them constructive criticism.” I wouldn’t have to explain this to a woman.

Fuck you Meyer. I’m not even dignifying this with a rebuttal.

“We’ll leave right after school, so we can get back early. You’ll be okay for dinner, right?”

“Bells, I fed myself for seventeen years before you got here,” he reminded me.

“I don’t know how you survived,” I muttered, then added more clearly, “I’ll leave some things for cold-cut sandwiches in the fridge, okay? Right on top.”

FUCK.

YOU.

WHY ARE THERE NOT STRONGER CURSE WORDS IN MY VOCABULARY?!

Aahhhhhhh

She presumed from day fucking one that he couldn’t cook rather than giving him any chance at all. Maybe she doesn’t like what he was eating, but that’s still no reason to treat you FATHER with that kind of disrespect! He didn’t have to let you move in with him you know! He could have said no! He wanted you there for some fucking reason. He loves you. Because he’s your dad! And you are treating him like a fucking child! I’m pretty sure he can find the fucking sandwich meat without you telling him which fucking SHELF it’s on!  I wouldn’t talk like that to my five year old niece!

I would like to take a moment away from the section of this chapter currently threatening to give me an aneurism and point out that none of her concern over Edward has been that something happened to him and his family while they were out camping.  In the area she was informed is full of bears.  No, the concern is that he left her and won’t come back in time to take her to Seattle. It never even crosses her mind that they might all be missing school because something bad happened like there was a death in their family outside town or anything. It’s all about her. If someone I care about disappears without explanation my first thought tends to be ‘OMG I hope they’re okay!’ not ‘OMG they’re leaving me without telling me!’ It takes a special kind of selfishness for that to not just be your first thought, but your only thought.

Before leaving for dress shopping Bella leaves her dad a note telling him, again, where she left the sandwich meats. I’m pretty sure you can hear me saying ‘fuck you Bella’ to that by now. I shouldn’t even have to type it at this point.

The chapter ends, and my blood pressure is grateful.

relief

The last year and a half or so I’ve been working on my depression. I used to get depressed a lot, but I don’t anymore. Not to the extent I used to.  Part of that is that my situation is better, part of it though is that I’ve got a list in my head of everything about my life that I genuinely appreciate, and I add to it on a regular basis, and I go over it in my head a couple of times a day. I also go out of my way to say ‘I appreciate you doing this for me’ and such to people who help me, or who just listen to me rant for a while when something goes especially horrible.  Or just friends who have been good friends in general.

I bring this up, because I want to say something I appreciate about this book. I appreciate that this book is only 24 chapters and an epilogue instead of the 60 chapters of The Host. I appreciate that so very, very much. I don’t even care that there’s three more books after this one. I just care that this one is shorter than The Host.

How can this book suck so hard? Someone PLEASE tell me why this is so well liked. PLEASE! EXPLAIN IT TO ME! I DON’T UNDERSTAND! If you like it because you see yourself in Bella then I’m sorry but you are a BAD PERSON and you should take a good look at how you view the world and the people around you! If it’s because you like Edward and/or Jacob, then I still don’t see how you can like this book because the whole thing is about them wanting to be with a girl who doesn’t deserve ANYONE’S love! I DON’T GET IT!

Ugh. Whatever. Till next time, check out The Llama’s take on these chapters (she goes into way more detail on the first half of chapter 7 than I could). I’m going to curl up and weep that this got popular.

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